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April 28, 2025
by Elias Montgomery

Sometimes I wonder if I’m even capable of feeling that “true love” everyone talks about.

It’s not that I don’t want it — God, I want it so bad. But every time I even get close to something that feels real, there’s this voice in the back of my head reminding me that nothing lasts forever. And how can you truly trust someone with forever when you don’t even trust forever to exist?

I catch myself pulling away before things get too deep. Like, maybe if I expect it to end, it won’t hurt as much when it actually does. Maybe if I keep my heart half-closed, I can avoid the whole wreckage when it eventually falls apart.

But then I see people around me who do seem to find it — the kind of love that looks easy, even when it’s hard. And it makes me wonder if the real problem isn’t the world or how fragile things are… maybe it’s just me. Maybe I don’t know how to let myself believe in something lasting.

I guess I’m just scared. Scared of hoping. Scared of trusting. Scared of being wrong about someone. Again.

I want to believe in forever. I just don’t know how.