Date: April 27, 2025

Author: Marissa Jennings

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a people pleaser. I put others’ happiness before my own, and it’s something I’ve never been able to shake. But lately, it’s been weighing on me more than ever. I’ve had this crush on my best friend for six years. We’ve known each other since childhood, and I always thought that maybe, just maybe, I’d get the chance to tell her how I feel. But I was too scared—scared of losing her, scared of ruining the friendship. I kept my feelings hidden.

And then, a few weeks ago, something changed. She told me she had a crush on a girl, and for a moment, I thought this could be my chance. I could finally have a shot at being with her. So, I started doing everything I could to make her happy. I bought her wireless headphones because she was complaining about hers. I even wrote her a poem—she mentioned once that girls like that kind of thing. I thought if I could just show her how much I cared, maybe she’d see me in that way too.

But then, something unexpected happened. One of our mutual friends, someone who’s incredibly sweet, asked me out. I didn’t know how to say no. She’s a kind person, and I genuinely do care for her, but not in the way she deserves. I know it’s not fair to her, but I can’t bring myself to break up with her because I feel terrible. I know that even if I end things with her now, I’ll never be able to be with the girl I’ve always loved. And that hurts.

The worst part is, I see this girl I truly care about every day. We’re in the same classes, and I’m constantly reminded of how much I love her, how much I wish things were different. But I can’t undo what I’ve done. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and yet, in trying to avoid hurting one person, I’m potentially hurting myself and both of them in the process.

I’m stuck in this place between love and guilt. I don’t know what to do, but I know that I can’t keep pretending everything is okay when it feels like everything is falling apart.