Date: April 20, 2025
Author: Marcus Lane

Lately, I’ve started to realize just how disconnected I’ve become from everything and everyone around me. It’s like I’ve built this entire world in my head—one where I can escape, one where things make sense, where I’m in control. And honestly, I’ve been living there more than I live here.

I don’t think I meant for it to get this bad. At first, it was harmless—daydreaming, making up little scenarios where life felt better, more bearable. But now? Now it’s like I can’t function unless I’m wrapped up in those delusions. I go through the motions—wake up, eat, pretend to listen during conversations—but my mind is somewhere else entirely.

People talk to me and I nod, smile, even laugh at the right moments. But none of it sticks. I forget things within seconds. I zone out at work. I’ve stopped responding to texts unless they absolutely need a reply. Socializing feels like a performance I’m not trained for anymore.

And I keep thinking, what happened? When did it become easier to make up a version of myself than actually be myself? I know the difference between reality and what’s in my head—but sometimes, I prefer the fake version. In my head, I’m confident. In my head, I’m loved the way I wish I was. Out here… it just feels hollow.

I want to come back to reality. I really do. But I feel so far gone that even trying feels exhausting. It’s like I’m on the outside looking in on everyone else who knows how to be normal, and I’m just… floating.

Maybe writing this is the first step. Or maybe it’s just another entry in the long list of things I’ll say but never act on. Either way, this is where I am. Lost in my own mind. And unsure if I even know how to get out.