Date: April 27, 2025

Author: Evelyn Matthews

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I missed out on something crucial. I know there isn’t some universal timeline that everyone has to follow, but sometimes it feels like I’m just behind. Growing up, I was all about school. I never really had that carefree, carefree childhood that other kids seemed to have. I was always busy with homework, projects, family obligations, and trying to make sure everything was perfect. While everyone was going out with friends or doing whatever they wanted, I was sitting at home, studying or taking care of responsibilities that I didn’t even fully understand at the time.

Now, in my 20s, things are different. I finally have time to explore all those experiences I missed out on. The problem is… I’m not a kid anymore. I’ve spent so much time focused on everything that wasn’t me, and now I feel like I’m trying to catch up with my peers, all while dealing with adult responsibilities like bills, work, and figuring out what to do with my life.

I’ve started going out more, trying new things, but every time I do, it feels like I’m pretending. Like I’m learning how to be young again, but with the burden of adulthood hanging over my head. I feel like I’m not really fitting into either world—too young to be an “adult” and too old to be living that carefree, spontaneous childhood I didn’t have. There’s this gap in my life that feels impossible to fill.

It’s strange, but I keep thinking about how I can’t “catch up” with my childhood the way I’d hoped. I don’t want to act childish, but I want that feeling of freedom, of not having to care about things like taxes or career paths, of just enjoying the present without overthinking everything. But here I am, stuck between childhood and adulthood, constantly wondering if I’m too late to the game or if I’m just making excuses.

I know there’s no timeline, and I know everyone’s journey is different, but it doesn’t stop that nagging feeling that I’m playing catch-up with life.