By Chris Allen
April 28, 2025
I don’t know why I do it. The procrastination. It’s like I can’t control it, and yet, I know how much it’s affecting me. What started out as small delays here and there has turned into this overwhelming, constant struggle. And now, it’s gotten so bad that I’m facing the harsh reality of only having seven days left to finish a research proposal that I should’ve had months to prepare for. All I’ve managed to do is fill out the template and skim through two pieces of literature over the past three months.
How did I let it get to this point?
It starts off simple enough: I tell myself I’ll get to work later, that I have plenty of time. But then, the days pass, and I keep pushing it off until there’s nothing left but a ticking clock in the back of my mind. I always think I can catch up, that I’ll somehow magically get everything done at the last minute. And, sure enough, as the deadline looms closer, the anxiety builds.
It gets to the point where I can’t focus on anything else, and all I can think about is how behind I am. So I rush, staying up late, pulling all-nighters, telling myself I’m making progress, even though I’m barely scraping by. It’s like this vicious cycle: I procrastinate, stress out, and then panic to get things done in time. But it’s never a clean finish. It’s always rushed, always messy. And it never feels like it’s enough.
The worst part is that when people ask me about my progress, I lie. It feels almost automatic at this point. “Oh, I’m about halfway through,” I’ll say, or “I’ve been making good progress.” It’s almost like I need to tell myself I’m doing better than I actually am, like somehow, saying it out loud makes it real. But the truth is, I’m not making progress. I’m just treading water, hoping I can pull myself out of the current before it drags me under.
But I know the lies only make things worse. They don’t change the fact that I’m behind or that I’m overwhelmed. They only make me feel more disconnected from the reality of what’s happening. And it’s exhausting, living in this constant state of self-deception.
I wish I could break this cycle. I wish I could figure out why I keep doing this to myself. Why do I keep putting things off, knowing the consequences? Why do I lie to make it seem like I’ve got it all under control when inside, I’m falling apart? The pressure is crushing, and I’m running out of time to fix it.
Maybe next time, I’ll start earlier. Maybe next time, I’ll be able to sit down and focus without all the stress. But right now, all I can do is push through this mess and try to finish what I started. I just hope that one day, I can find a way to break free from the procrastination and the lies before they take over again.
