Date: April 20, 2025

Author: Eli Navarro

I had a phone call with my girlfriend last night, and I don’t know why but I just felt off. The whole time. It started normal—just a “Hey, how was your day?” kind of call—but something in me felt weird, like I was outside my own body listening in. I couldn’t relax. I couldn’t focus. I kept thinking I sounded dumb. That my tone was too flat. That I was being boring.

Then I started reading into her tone. Was she annoyed? Distracted? Not as warm as usual? And just like that, I spiraled.

I didn’t say anything, of course. I just kept pretending everything was okay while my chest got tighter and tighter. The awkwardness didn’t come from her—it came from me. And that’s the part that makes this worse. I feel like my own mind is turning on me.

I hate that I was paranoid. I hate that I kept questioning whether she really liked me, whether she was talking to someone else, whether she was getting bored of me and just didn’t know how to say it. There’s no proof, no reason, nothing she’s done wrong. Just this growing voice in my head that feeds me all these stupid scenarios.

By the end of the call, I felt humiliated. Not by anything she said—but by myself. I hung up and just sat there thinking about every sentence I said. How awkward I must’ve sounded. How fake my laugh probably came out. How she might’ve rolled her eyes once we hung up. I felt goofy in the worst possible way—like I was a child pretending to be in a real relationship.

The truth is, I have trust issues. Not just with her—just in general. From past stuff, from being let down before, from people making me feel replaceable. I’ve been cheated on. Lied to. Ghosted. And now that I actually have someone who cares about me, I can’t even accept it without feeling like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.