By Jenny Lee
April 28, 2025

For the past few days, I’ve been feeling under the weather. Nothing too serious, just a bad cold that completely knocked me out. With no appetite and barely any energy to move around, I figured it was the perfect opportunity to shed a few pounds. I’ve been wanting to lose weight for a while now. I’m around 115 lbs, and while that might sound fine to some, according to Asian beauty standards, I’m considered morbidly obese. The pressure is real, and I’ve been trying my best to lose at least 10 pounds, maybe 12 or 13. It’s not easy, especially when the expectations around me are so harsh, but I’ve been determined.

I thought maybe the sickness would work in my favor. After all, I wasn’t eating much, and I figured that would help speed up the weight loss. So when I finally felt well enough to stand on the scale this morning, I was eager to see the results. I was convinced that I’d have lost at least a couple of pounds. But when I stepped on the scale, I couldn’t believe what I saw. Instead of losing 2 or 3 pounds, I had gained 2 or 3 pounds instead.

I couldn’t help but laugh a little. It had to be the Lunar New Year celebrations I attended right before I got sick. Of course, that’s when I ate a ridiculous amount of food, filled with all the family dishes I love but always regret later. The guilt set in as I thought about all the dumplings, the noodles, and the sweets I indulged in just a week ago. I tried to tell myself that it wasn’t the end of the world, but I couldn’t shake the frustration. How is it that no matter how much I try—whether I eat less, exercise every day, or cut back on my favorite foods—it still feels like nothing works?

I wish I could find a way to just let go of all the weight-related anxiety. I know I’m not in a bad place, health-wise, but the standards—especially the ones in my culture—just weigh on me. The pressure to look a certain way, to conform, and to fit into a mold that’s sometimes too narrow. It’s draining, and I just want to feel good about myself without constantly measuring myself against these impossible ideals.

But here I am, still trying. I know I can’t expect results overnight, and I know the journey won’t be easy. Maybe I need to shift my focus away from the scale and just concentrate on feeling healthier, both mentally and physically. I’m tired of stressing over every little fluctuation. I’ve been doing my best, and even though it feels like nothing is working, I won’t give up.

I know it’s going to take time. But I’ve got to stop beating myself up for every setback and start celebrating the small victories. After all, it’s not about getting to a number on the scale—it’s about how I feel in my own skin. And that’s worth working toward.