Date: April 27, 2025
Author: Samuel J. Harrow
For the past few months, something has been nagging at me. It all started when my wife and I met our new neighbors. On the surface, they seemed like any other family moving in, but it quickly became clear that they were different. The guy who moved in next door is 27, built like a bodybuilder, and honestly, he’s got that ‘look’ that makes you second guess yourself. He’s also got a mom who, from what I can gather, is never home—she’s gone for weeks at a time, leaving him to manage the house alone.
My wife, who’s 32, and I have been married for a few years now. This is my second marriage. My first didn’t end well, and I’m not proud of it. I met my current wife on a cruise and, for the most part, things have been great. She’s a beautiful woman, and she makes me feel young again. But there’s something about this new neighbor, something I can’t shake. He’s polite, friendly, and often stops by to chat with us, mostly when I’m not around since my job takes me out of town quite often. My work requires me to be away for days at a time, so when I’m home, I try to make the most of it. But that’s when I start noticing things that make my stomach turn.
There’s a certain way my wife looks at him. It’s not like how she looks at me. She’s polite, but there’s a glimmer in her eyes when she talks to him that makes me feel uneasy. I’m not stupid—I know attraction when I see it. I can’t help but wonder if something is brewing there. I’ve tried to push the thought out of my mind, but the more I see them interact, the more the feeling intensifies. She’s a beautiful woman, and I know I’m not exactly the same as I was in my younger years. My body doesn’t look like it did when we first met, and I can’t help but compare myself to him. Maybe I’m overthinking this, but the way she smiles when she talks to him, the way she laughs, it just seems off.
I hate this feeling. I really do. I know that if she’s going to cheat, it will happen regardless of whether I’m home or on the road. She’s independent, and I’ve always known that. I’m not blind to the fact that she’s had other interests in the past. But there’s something different this time. It’s the way she talks about him. It’s like she’s defending him, even when there’s no need. Little things like that make me paranoid. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I can’t stop myself.
I’ve thought about doing something I’m not proud of: putting hidden cameras in our house. I’m not sure what I think that will accomplish, but I guess I just want to know the truth. The problem is, I feel pathetic even thinking about it. I’m the one who can’t trust her, and yet I’m the one who feels insecure. Maybe I’m just projecting my own fears onto her, but the thought of her being with him—of her not needing me anymore—keeps me up at night. I feel like I’m losing control over something I can’t quite define.
It’s not just the physical attraction I feel insecure about; it’s the way she has changed when I’m not around. It’s the fact that I feel like I’m not enough anymore. I know I’m not the man I used to be, and that’s hard to come to terms with. But I shouldn’t have to compete with some guy next door, should I? I keep telling myself it’s all in my head, that I’m just paranoid and insecure, but it feels so real when I watch them interact. It feels like there’s something I’m missing, something she’s hiding from me.
I’m stuck in this cycle of doubt and fear, and I don’t know how to break it. I love my wife, and I trust her… but I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust the way I feel, and I certainly don’t trust my gut anymore. I know I should talk to her about it, but how can I bring it up without sounding like a jealous, paranoid fool? She’s always been so understanding, but what if I push her away by voicing these insecurities? I don’t know what’s worse: the thought of losing her to someone else, or the thought of living in a relationship where I feel constantly on edge.
I just wish I could let go of this feeling. I wish I could stop overthinking every little thing. But for now, all I can do is sit with this paranoia and hope it’s nothing more than my own mind playing tricks on me.
