Date: April 27, 2025
Author: Leah Carter

I have this awful habit of only following social media accounts of popular couples, just so I can predict their breakups. It’s toxic, and part of me knows it’s horrible, but another part of me just feels this anger because a couple I had been watching for over a year broke up in the most anticlimactic and private way possible. It felt like I had invested so much of my time watching them that I somehow deserved more—more drama, more entertainment. And to make things worse, the guy started doing that “non-apology” dance that abusers do when they’re caught, and it just left me frustrated and disgusted.

I feel so conflicted. On one hand, I know this behavior is self-destructive. It’s a form of self-harm, really. On the other hand, I can’t stop doing it, and I’m terrified that people might be doing the same to me. I’m paranoid about my partner, convinced that others are watching me the same way—like sharks circling around blood in the water. I deserve the paranoia, though.

I want this all to stop. It makes me uncomfortable, and I know it makes others uncomfortable too. It’s draining, and at this point, it just doesn’t make me happy or feel safe.