Date: April 22, 2025
Author: Amanda Wilson
I don’t know where to begin, but I guess right now it feels like everything is falling apart. Last night, I was broken up with, and while it hurts, it’s not the worst thing that’s on my mind. It’s like everything I’ve been keeping inside is finally catching up to me at once, and I can’t run from it anymore.
I didn’t tell him about my housing situation, though I should’ve. He had a ton on his plate, and I didn’t want to add more stress. I was trying to manage everything myself, thinking I could fix it before it became too much of an issue. But here I am, about to be evicted. The apartment is a mess of overdue bills and notices. I’ve tried to put it all together, but life just keeps throwing curveballs.
It started with a car accident that drained my savings. The medical bills piled up right as my job’s insurance finally kicked in. For a while, I thought I had it handled, but then everything changed. The company I work for switched management, and with the new team came new rules. They don’t want to honor the old agreements, and now I’m stuck between two fights — the legal one with my work and the looming threat of being homeless.
I didn’t want to tell him all of this. I didn’t want him to see me as someone who couldn’t manage her own life, someone who was failing. So I kept it to myself. I told him things were “fine” when they weren’t. I figured I’d figure it out and it wouldn’t affect us. But the truth is, it did. It put strain on our relationship, and I think he could feel it. The anxiety, the constant worrying about what would happen next. And eventually, he decided he couldn’t handle it anymore. So he broke up with me.
I don’t blame him for that. I knew I was a mess, and I never gave him the full picture of what was going on. I thought I could shield him from it, but it was selfish, wasn’t it? He deserved to know. Maybe things would’ve turned out differently if I had been honest with him from the start.
Right now, I feel like I’m drowning in everything. My world is crumbling, and I don’t know how to put it back together. I’m terrified of losing my place to live, of everything falling apart with no way to fix it. And I feel embarrassed for not being able to manage it all, for not being strong enough to hold everything up.
I keep telling myself I can handle it. But at this moment, I’m not sure how.
