April 23, 2025

By: Laurence Bellamy

What is love? I’ve been thinking about that question more than I care to admit lately. It’s supposed to be the most intimate bond between two people, right? A connection that transcends everything—something pure, something deep. I used to believe that. I thought love was the glue that held everything together, that no matter what happened, if you had love, you had everything.

But now… I’m not sure anymore.

I’ve had relationships before, even ones I thought were real. I’ve said the words “I love you” a thousand times, and I’ve heard them spoken back to me just as many. But what does it really mean? Can you love someone and still feel so distant from them? Can you build a life with someone, but still not feel like they really see you?

Sometimes it feels like I’m just going through the motions. Like love is this abstract thing that I was taught to chase, but now it just seems so elusive. It’s like I keep reaching for something I thought I understood, but when my fingers brush against it, it slips away—too fragile, too fleeting.

There was a time when I thought love would make everything better. That if I just found the right person, things would fall into place. But now I’m starting to wonder if love is just another word people use to justify loneliness. Or maybe it’s a mask, something we put on to cover up the emptiness we’re all too afraid to face.

And then there’s the question of friends. Where are they? I’ve been asking myself that too. Where are the people who are supposed to have your back, who should make you feel seen, understood, like you matter? So many people drift in and out of my life, but when things get tough, where are they?

It’s not that I don’t have people around me—there’s always someone who’ll smile and say they care, but when the darkness starts creeping in, where are those promises? Where is the friend who stays by your side, the one who doesn’t just say “I’m here for you” but shows up in the quiet moments, when you really need them?

I don’t have the answers. Maybe that’s the hardest part of it all.

But I’m starting to realize that maybe love, and friendship, aren’t as simple as I thought. Maybe it’s not just about intimacy or connections. Maybe it’s about the quiet understanding that we’re all just trying to make sense of it, trying to find meaning in the mess. And if I’m lucky, maybe someday I’ll find someone who gets it too.