By: Ella Harrison
April 21, 2025

Looking back, I can’t help but feel frustrated with myself. Things could have been different, so different, if I had just seen it for what it was from the beginning. If I hadn’t let you lie to yourself, and by extension, to me.

I used to believe that we were building something real. I thought I was the one you wanted to be with. I really did. But somewhere along the way, I started to see the cracks in the story you were telling yourself, and it turns out, I was the one left in the background.

You never wanted me. Not really. I see that now. You were always in love with her. She was always the one who held your heart. You never even tried to hide it, did you? That “best friend” title wasn’t just some innocent label you gave her. It was a front. A way to justify the space she occupied in your life—space that should’ve been mine.

The thing is, I knew. I knew something wasn’t right. I knew I was just a placeholder, someone you could rely on until she was ready to see you for what you were. Until she thought she might lose you forever and could finally admit that maybe—just maybe—she wanted you after all. And by the time she figured it out, it was already too late for me.

I should have ended it the moment I found out. The second I learned that you two were as close as you were, it should have been the end. I should’ve trusted my instincts, my boundaries. But I didn’t. I let it slide because I thought maybe I was overthinking it, or maybe I just didn’t want to face the truth.

I guess I was afraid to stand up for myself. I didn’t want to confront the reality of it all. I was too scared to admit that I wasn’t enough for you. That I never was. And so, I stayed. For far too long. And I let myself be strung along, hoping that maybe things would change. Hoping that one day, I would finally be your number one.

Now, I don’t even have access to your Signal anymore. I had to change my number, erase all those little connections that kept me hanging on. But you still have my Instagram. You could reach out if you wanted to. But you didn’t. I don’t think you ever will.

I wasn’t the one you wanted. I was just there to fill the void until she was ready to see what was in front of her. And now, I’m left with this bitter taste in my mouth, wondering why I wasted so much time believing a lie. I should have been stronger. I should have walked away the moment my heart knew what you were hiding.

But now, I’m done. I’m done waiting for something that was never going to happen. I don’t need your messages or your apologies. I just need to let go. And maybe, for once, I’ll do something that’s actually for me.