Author: Josh V. Carver

April 22, 2025

So, this story is a bit embarrassing to admit, but I guess now that it’s in the past, I can look back and laugh… sort of. It happened a few years ago, back when I was working at a restaurant before Covid hit. Let me start by saying that I was young, petty, and definitely not the best version of myself at the time.

There was this janitor, let’s call him “Ted,” who worked there too. He was the type of guy who thought he was cool because he could rattle off stories about his “conquests” and other inappropriate stuff. He wasn’t exactly kind to anyone, always pestering the staff, making weird comments, and generally being a nuisance. I didn’t get along with him from the start, but it was a restaurant, so I had to bite my tongue a lot, right? Wrong.

One day, after he’d annoyed me for the millionth time, something inside me snapped. I decided I wasn’t just going to deal with it anymore. My plan? Well, it wasn’t exactly a well-thought-out masterstroke, but let’s just say it was petty to the extreme.

I had the brilliant idea to mess with him in the most childish way possible. The bathrooms, as you can imagine, were part of his duties, and he had to clean everything up. So, I thought it would be funny to make his job as disgusting as possible. Here’s where I made the poor decision that I’ll forever regret.

After drinking what felt like a gallon of various liquids (mostly water, but mixed with a couple of sodas), I made my way to the men’s room after my shift. You already know where this is going, and yes, it was as bad as you’re imagining. I urinated all over EVERYTHING: the walls, the sink, the mirrors, the urinals, the toilet… absolutely everywhere. It was like I was trying to turn that bathroom into a war zone.

I know, I know—it was gross. It was childish. And looking back, I can’t believe I did something so absurd just to get back at someone I didn’t like. In the moment, I thought it was hilarious, but now that I’m older, it’s clear I was just being a total idiot.

Of course, Ted had to clean it all up the next day, and part of me feels bad for him. He was a jerk, sure, but what I did was uncalled for. Honestly, it wasn’t even a real victory. It didn’t change anything. It didn’t make me feel better about him. If anything, it made me realize I was just as petty as he was.

So, yeah. That’s my embarrassing restaurant story. If I could go back in time, I’d definitely choose a better way to handle things. Instead of stooping to childish antics, I should have either addressed the issue directly with him or just let it go. But here I am, with this story to tell, which I guess is some form of catharsis? Or maybe just a lesson learned the hard way.

Anyway, don’t do what I did. It’s not worth it.