April 24, 2025
By: Tessa Calderón

I’m in a relationship with a guy I really love. He’s sweet, patient, and has stuck by me through a lot. But the truth is… I can’t stop thinking about her.

She’s the one who’s lodged herself deep in my chest—the girl who used to make my heart skip without even trying. We were so close once. There was this undeniable chemistry, this fire between us. She used to say she loved me. And I believed her.

But somewhere between me choosing to be with my boyfriend and whatever went wrong between me and her, everything fell apart. We don’t even talk anymore. I don’t know what happened—I wish I did. One day it was all passion and chaos and connection, and then suddenly… silence. And that silence? It hurts more than I expected.

The craziest part is how toxic it got. We brought out the worst in each other. The jealousy, the miscommunication, the emotional exhaustion—it drained us both. But I still want her. Not because I think it would magically be different, but because something in me can’t let her go. Even when I’m lying next to someone who loves me.

I know how messed up that sounds. How selfish. I’m not trying to have it both ways. I just don’t know what to do with all this ache. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I wish I could just move on and be fully present with the person who’s actually here.

But I still miss her. I still love her. And I don’t think I’ve ever really stopped.

— Tessa Calderón