Date: April 28, 2025
Author: Sarah Jensen
It feels silly now, looking back at it, but I can’t shake how embarrassed I felt. My friend asked to see my driver’s permit the other day, and I handed it to her without thinking twice. The second she looked at it, I realized—my weight is printed right there, in big, clear numbers. I’ve always kept that part of my life so private, and suddenly, it was out in the open.
I knew she would see it eventually. It’s not like it’s some big secret that I’m not exactly small. But seeing that exact number, the one I’ve been so self-conscious about, just staring back at me on paper—it felt like I was exposed. Like I couldn’t hide it anymore.
What made it worse was how she reacted. She glanced at the number, then said something like, “Oh, well, that’s not so bad.” And the way she said it was almost like it didn’t matter to her at all. She’s always been loud about how she doesn’t care about weight or size, how it doesn’t define her. Which, don’t get me wrong, is great. I admire her confidence, but it also made me feel even more self-conscious. She wasn’t even thinking about it, and here I was, completely overwhelmed by the fact that she knew the exact number.
I’ve been hiding my weight from everyone for years. It’s not just something I’m self-conscious about; it’s been a source of anxiety for me. I know people can see that I’m bigger, but having someone know that specific detail just made it feel so much worse. I’ve been working on losing weight, but it’s a slow process. I’m trying, but it’s hard when I feel like I’m always comparing myself to others.
After she handed me back my permit, I immediately felt this wave of discomfort. I wanted to change the subject, make a joke, but I just couldn’t shake it. She had no idea how much that little piece of information affected me. To her, it probably didn’t matter at all, but to me, it felt like everything. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but now that she knows the number, I can’t stop thinking about it.
I’m trying to focus on my health and feel good in my own skin. But moments like these make it hard. It’s weird because I know I’m not alone in this. We all have our insecurities, but for some reason, this one feels so personal. I guess I just wish I could get to a point where it didn’t matter, where I could be like her and not care. But for now, I just need time to work through it. I just hope this weird feeling passes soon.
