April 23, 2025
Author: Noah Grayson
When I was a kid, there were a lot of things I didn’t fully understand. Puberty was an awkward, confusing time, and there were moments that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I remember one particular instance when my curiosity got the best of me.
It started innocently enough. I was rummaging through my mom’s drawers, a place I knew I probably shouldn’t be. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular—just exploring, you know? I stumbled across one of those sanitary belts and some old pads. I had seen them around but had no real understanding of what they were for, so I thought, “Why not see for myself?”
I figured it was just some weird piece of fabric, but when I put it on, something about the snug feeling made me feel… different. It wasn’t anything I could explain. Next thing I knew, I was playing around with more of my mom’s things—her bras and underwear. The whole thing felt like I was stepping into someone else’s world, a world that wasn’t mine, but one I couldn’t help but explore.
I didn’t think anything of it at first. I just enjoyed the feeling of trying something new, even if it was a little odd. I was walking around the house, half-dazed in my exploration, when I heard the front door creak open. My heart stopped.
It was my dad. He’d come home early from work, and I hadn’t heard him pull up in the driveway. In a panic, I froze. For a few seconds, I debated what to do. I could hear his footsteps getting closer. I quickly ran to the bathroom, hoping I could remove everything before he saw me. But my body was frozen. It was too late.
When I finally managed to pull everything off, I felt this strange mix of relief and embarrassment. I didn’t know what he’d seen, if anything, but the air was thick with that awkward energy. I couldn’t look him in the eye for days. We never talked about it. It was one of those moments that just faded away into nothingness.
But it stuck with me, that feeling of being on the edge of something I didn’t fully understand. It was a moment of confusion, curiosity, and shame all wrapped up in one. As I grew older, I realized it wasn’t about what I had done or what I had felt—it was about how easy it was to get caught up in the strange things our minds do when they’re trying to make sense of the world around us.
I don’t think about it much anymore, but every now and then, I get a flashback to that day—my heart racing, my dad walking in, and the feeling of trying to outrun something I didn’t fully understand.
