Date: April 22, 2025
Author: Jack Turner
Yesterday, I found myself in a situation that has left me feeling utterly ashamed and just… confused. It all started over what seemed like a simple conversation, but one sentence turned everything upside down. Let me backtrack a bit so you can understand where I’m coming from.
I’m a big guy. You know, nearly 6ft, tattoos, short hair, and my accent is pure London through and through. I guess I give off that “tough guy” vibe, especially in a city like ours where appearances can say a lot more than we’d like. I’ve always tried to be genuine about who I am, but yeah, I guess people do judge the book by its cover.
The thing is, I’ve come a long way from my younger years. I grew up in a pretty stereotypical “football lad” culture — weekends were for football, drinking, and, well, let’s say we weren’t exactly respectful about the women we surrounded ourselves with back then. It was all about the bravado, the jokes, the “lads” mentality. I won’t try to make excuses for it, because it wasn’t right, but that was the environment I was in.
Then, everything changed one night when one of our closest mates, let’s call her Sarah, came out as trans. At first, we were all pretty shocked. We had known Sarah since we were kids, and back then, the world wasn’t as open-minded as it is now, especially when it came to things like this. But here’s the thing: we didn’t care. She was still Sarah. We were still mates, no matter what. Yeah, there were a few jokes thrown around (and we all knew that was wrong), but in the grand scheme, we supported her. Or at least, I thought we did.
However, not everyone felt the same way. Sarah’s family, particularly her father, was horrified. He had always wanted a son, and the tension in their home was palpable. Things started to get really dark, and I won’t go into the details, but it broke all of our hearts when, one day, Sarah couldn’t handle it anymore and tragically took her own life. I’ve carried that with me for years.
Even now, 12 years later, I still feel the weight of losing her. She was one of the most genuine, kind-hearted people I knew, and I still find myself asking why things went so wrong. It’s something that’s shaped who I am today, especially when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community. I’ve done my best to educate myself, be supportive, and just be there for people who need allies. It’s been a journey, but I like to think I’ve grown from it.
So, back to yesterday. I was sitting at a café with a couple of mates, and the conversation somehow shifted to a discussion about gender identity and the struggles that the community faces. One of the guys said something that triggered me, and I completely overreacted. I didn’t mean to, but it came out all wrong. I said something along the lines of, “Well, back in the day, we didn’t even understand half of what people were going through, but Sarah’s story stuck with me.” And that’s when one of them turned to me and called me a “bigot.”
Now, I know I’m not a bigot. I’ve fought tooth and nail to be an ally, to support people in ways that matter. But hearing that word, in that moment, made me lose my cool. I snapped, got defensive, and, honestly, I probably said things I shouldn’t have. The conversation spiraled, and by the end of it, I was just fuming.
I went home that night feeling like an idiot. I’m not proud of how I handled myself. I let my emotions get the best of me when all I really wanted to do was show that I’m an ally. I’ve been wrestling with it all day, because I know I’ve messed up, even if it wasn’t intentional. I don’t know how to make it right, but I’m hoping I can learn from this moment, grow, and continue doing better for the people who matter.
Sometimes, you can be trying your hardest to do good, but one wrong move and it all comes crashing down. It’s a humbling experience. I just hope I can learn from this and be a better person moving forward.
