April 25, 2025
by Serena Eloise Carter

Sometimes I sit alone and think about everything my parents gave up for me. All the dreams they quietly folded away, the long hours they worked, the things they went without—so I could have a chance at a better life. And honestly? It crushes me.

I don’t think I ever really said it out loud, but I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

I’m sorry you had to stretch every dollar and pretend it didn’t hurt when I asked for things we couldn’t afford. I’m sorry for the fights we had when I thought you were being too controlling, when all you really wanted was for me to stay safe. I’m sorry for the way I snapped at your jokes instead of laughing along, even when you were just trying to make me smile.

I feel like such a disappointment sometimes. Like you planted all these seeds in me—hope, effort, love—and I’ve grown up all wrong. I can’t seem to pay you back for any of it. I’m still trying to figure my life out while you’re getting older, still carrying the weight I should have already lifted off your shoulders.

Some days I wonder if your lives would’ve been lighter, happier, freer without a daughter who cost so much—not just in money, but in energy and time and patience.

I wish I could go back and be easier to love. Less expensive. Less angry. Just… less.

I don’t know how to fix all of it. But I do know this: I love you. More than I know how to say without choking on guilt and gratitude. And I’m still trying—maybe too slowly—but I’m trying to be someone who’s worth all the sacrifices you made.

I hope one day you’ll see me and feel proud. I really hope.