April 21, 2025
by Rowan Velez

I try. I really do.

I text people first. I ask to hang out. I join stuff. I put myself out there even when it makes me nervous. But for some reason, it never sticks. People are polite, sometimes even friendly in the moment—but it’s like I never move past the outer circle. Like I’m always the backup plan or the extra person invited out of obligation, not excitement.

I get home after things and replay it all in my head. Did I talk too much? Was I too quiet? Was I annoying without realizing it? It’s this endless loop of overthinking.

And it sucks because I’m not even looking for some huge group of best friends. Just one or two people who get me. Who text me just because. Who ask me to hang out without me having to throw the idea out first.

But it’s always me. Always reaching. Always trying. And I don’t want to give up—but some days I feel so tired of hoping.

I’m lonely. I say it in my head more than I ever admit out loud. Because if you say it too much, people either pity you or pull away.

But yeah. I’m lonely. And I don’t know what else to do but keep trying anyway.