April 21, 2025

By Jessie Lee

I finally started washing my dishes today. It feels like a small victory, but it’s such a big one for me right now. It’s been a whole month since I last touched them, and during that time, they’ve been piling up—just sitting there, collecting dust and grime. Every time I looked at them, I just felt overwhelmed. Like I couldn’t even bring myself to deal with something as simple as washing dishes.

It’s funny because this isn’t like me at all. Normally, I keep things pretty tidy, but that month was hard. Really hard. I’ve been dealing with a bout of depression that got to be so bad I couldn’t even open the door to let anyone in. I didn’t want anyone to see the mess or know just how badly I was struggling. I feel kind of ashamed about it, honestly. The garbage bags piled up, the dishes stacked high—everything just felt so heavy, like I couldn’t escape it.

But today, something clicked. I just decided I had to start somewhere. It’s slow, but I’m getting through it. I think it’s important to remind myself that sometimes progress is just taking small steps, even if those steps feel like they’re taking forever. I don’t expect everything to be perfect right away, but the act of cleaning up—of doing something that feels like a normal, manageable task—is such a relief. It’s a sign that I’m starting to pull myself out of the hole, even if it’s just a little bit.

I’m still not where I want to be, but I’m trying to give myself some grace. It’s okay to have rough patches, and it’s okay to not be okay. What matters is that I’m starting to clean up, to pick up the pieces, and to take care of myself again—even if it’s just one dish at a time.

So, here’s to the small victories. It’s all I can do for now.

Take care,
Jessie