April 24, 2025
By Emily Torres

I hate this.
Like… I hate this so much.

I don’t even know when it started. Maybe the second week of class? Maybe the day he brought in pastries for no reason and casually offered me one like it didn’t completely fry my brain?

But yeah. I’m attached to my English teacher.
And he’s foreign, which somehow makes it worse? Or better? Or… I don’t even know anymore.

He’s just—ugh. He’s so sweet it actually makes me want to throw something. Smart in a way that isn’t obnoxious. Funny in that dry, nerdy way that hits harder than a meme at 2am. And kind. Like actually kind, not performative. You can tell it’s real.

And okay, yes, he’s objectively good-looking. Sue me. That man walked out of a Jane Austen adaptation and into my academic downfall.

I talk to him every day after class. Nothing crazy. Just… random stuff. Books, travel, music, the occasional life tangent. I don’t even know if he likes those convos, or if he’s just being polite. But I cling to them like a loser because it feels nice. I feel seen.

Today, he was explaining the whole Metric vs. Imperial system to me and my friend. And he grabbed my capybara keychain off my backpack and went,
“Back then, this would be the same height and length as a rock.”
LIKE?! What does that even mean?? I have no idea. But I laughed way too hard. And now I think about that moment like it was some scene from a coming-of-age movie no one asked me to be in.

I feel so ashamed, y’all. Like I know this is some serious “main character with a forbidden crush” energy, and it makes my skin crawl. I’m not trying to romanticize it or be inappropriate. I just… didn’t expect someone like him to be part of my brain’s weekly highlight reel.

I wish I didn’t care this much. I wish I didn’t want to make him laugh. I wish I could just let it be what it is: a nice teacher being kind to a student. But here I am. Writing confessions on the internet and spiraling over capybaras.