By: Lily Peterson

Date: April 22, 2025

For years, I used to think change meant getting rid of the heavy things that weighed me down. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that the change I was looking for was never about erasing what’s inside. It was about learning to live with it.

Growing up, I carried a lot—too much for a kid, too much for a teenager. In the beginning, I didn’t know how to carry it. I’d break under the weight, lash out, or just shut down completely. My emotions and my thoughts felt like a storm I couldn’t control, and I thought that being calm meant getting rid of everything inside of me that wasn’t peaceful.

But that’s not how it works. At least not for me.

I’m 30 now, and things don’t feel any lighter, honestly. I still have the same issues, the same anxieties, the same overwhelming emotions. But what’s different is how I deal with it. I’ve learned how to breathe through it, how to let the storm pass without losing myself in it. It took time, it took therapy, it took a lot of soul-searching and trial and error, but I finally understand that the weight doesn’t need to be gone for me to feel okay. It’s about making space for it—accepting it—and still moving forward.

I’m no longer chasing the idea of being “fixed.” I’ve accepted that I’ll always carry something. But I’ve also learned that I don’t have to react in the same way I used to. I don’t have to let my feelings control me. I can feel the pain, the frustration, the overwhelm, and still manage to be present in my life. Still manage to love the people around me, still manage to take care of myself.

It’s not perfect. Sometimes the weight feels too much, and I have to remind myself how far I’ve come. But the real change is in my ability to stand strong in the midst of it all. The change isn’t in the burden; it’s in me.

Now, when I say I’ve changed, it’s not because I’m burden-free. It’s because I’ve learned to carry it and still move forward.