Date: April 27, 2025
Author: Jacob Fields
I’ve been trying to keep my head straight, but the longer I hold onto these feelings, the harder it gets. I’m married, she’s married, and yet, I can’t stop thinking about her. It’s like a constant pull I can’t escape from. I know I can never be with her, and honestly, I don’t even know if she feels the same. But there’s something between us, some unspoken connection, and it’s driving me crazy.
The thing is, I’m not unhappy with my wife—at least not in the traditional sense. I love her, and she’s a good woman. But somewhere along the way, things changed. We’ve both changed. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when, but it’s like we’ve drifted apart, and now I don’t even know if we’re the same people we used to be. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but I just don’t know how to explain the emptiness I feel without it sounding like an excuse.
Then there’s her, the woman I can’t have. She deserves so much more than what she’s getting right now. Her husband—he’s not a monster, not by any means, but he’s not good to her either. He lies to her face, repeatedly, and she just buys it every time. It’s frustrating to watch. She’s so smart, so kind, so capable, and yet she doesn’t see how badly he treats her. I want to tell her, I want to scream at her that she deserves better, but I know that would just make everything worse. She’s already got enough on her plate.
I feel guilty for even thinking about her this way, especially when I know I have my own commitments. I’ve tried to push these feelings down, pretend they don’t exist, but the truth is, I just can’t help myself. She makes me feel seen, heard, like I matter. I don’t get that from my wife anymore. I don’t know when it happened or how, but something changed.
I’m stuck in a mess of my own making, and I’m not sure how to get out. Part of me wants to walk away from everything—start fresh, find some way to make things right. But I know it’s not that simple. I’ve built a life with my wife, and she deserves more than someone who’s just going through the motions. I don’t want to hurt her, but at the same time, I can’t ignore what I’m feeling.
So here I am, stuck between two worlds—one where I’m trying to make my marriage work, and the other where I can’t shake the thought of someone else. I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to feel this way. But right now, I’m just trying to survive the day-to-day and hope that eventually, this feeling will fade.
But somehow, I know deep down it won’t.
