Date: April 28, 2025
Author: Ethan J. Turner
I never thought it would get this bad. When I first started, it was just a little fun, a way to kill time. I was 21, still figuring out life, and online gambling seemed like a way to make a quick buck. At first, it worked. I was on a winning streak, and I felt invincible. Every win felt like proof that I was smarter than everyone else, like I’d found the secret formula.
But eventually, the wins stopped, and the losses piled up. And when I say losses, I mean everything. I lost my savings, I lost track of time, I even lost pieces of myself I didn’t realize were so important until now. I didn’t want to stop. I told myself I could turn it around, that one more win could fix everything. But that was the lie I kept telling myself, over and over, as the debt grew.
I sold everything I had. My phone, my laptop, anything of value that I could get a little cash for. I used my tuition money—money I was supposed to use for my education—to fund my addiction. I didn’t even care. I thought, Just one more win, and I’ll be back on track. But it was never enough.
When I ran out of my own money, I turned to my family. At first, it was small loans—money I promised I would pay back as soon as I could. But as the losses continued, I had to borrow more. And then more. My parents trusted me, and I betrayed that trust by not telling them the truth, by pretending everything was fine. I even went so far as to sell some of my mom’s real gold jewelry. The things that had sentimental value, the pieces she treasured. I hated myself for it, but I did it anyway.
And then came the worst part. I couldn’t bring myself to tell my family what I had done. So, I took the jewelry to a silversmith, had copies made, and gave them back, pretending they were the originals. No one noticed. And that made it worse. The guilt consumed me. I knew what I had done, but I couldn’t bring myself to own up to it.
Now, I’m sitting here, writing this, and I feel like everything has fallen apart. My debts are spiraling out of control, I have no way to fix the damage I’ve caused, and the people I love have no idea just how deep I’ve dug myself into this hole. I can’t look my parents in the eye without feeling like a fraud, a liar. I can’t even be proud of myself anymore because all I’ve done is destroy the trust that took years to build.
I hate gambling. I hate how it’s taken everything from me. It’s like a dark cloud hanging over me that I can’t escape. But the worst part is knowing that I’ll never get back what I’ve lost. Not just the money, but the relationships, the trust, the pieces of my own self-respect. I’m terrified of telling the truth because I know I’ve broken something I can’t fix. I know that when I finally come clean, it will hurt everyone I care about.
I’ve messed up. And I don’t know how to make it right.
