April 24, 2025
By: Eliana Brooks

I don’t know what’s going on with me lately, but I swear I’m losing it—or I’m in some kind of never-ending hormonal spiral. Maybe both.

Today, I was sitting in class, completely straight-faced, doing my work like a normal person… while listening to one of those audio things. You know the ones. Guys moaning into microphones. ASMR, but not the sleepy kind. Yeah. That. I had my headphones in, my screen open to a document, and not one person had a clue. Or maybe they did and just didn’t say anything. I can’t tell what’s more embarrassing.

The worst part is who I was thinking about while I listened. My friend. My one friend. The one I’ve been catching feelings for in the worst, most inconvenient way. He’s sweet and kind of oblivious, and I don’t even know what I want from him. I just picture him. All the time. I feel like a damn animal.

It’s been like this for almost two weeks. Constant tension. Like I’m not even thinking logically anymore, just reacting to everything like my body is in overdrive. I’ve always joked about having a feral side, but this? This is next-level unhinged.

I don’t even know what to do. I can’t tell him. I can barely admit this to myself. But maybe by posting it here, I’m at least getting it out of my system. Or trying to.

I’m not proud. But I’m also not gonna lie. This is me right now. And I hope to god it passes soon.

— Eliana Brooks