Author: Sarah Greene
Date: April 27, 2025
I don’t know when it started, but somewhere along the way, I became just the “help” in my own home. My mom doesn’t see me as her daughter anymore, not really. All I am is someone to clean, to run errands, to pick up the slack when things don’t go her way. I’m 18, a first-year college student, and still living at home because my parents won’t let me leave. I’m trying to focus on my studies, trying to figure out my future, but it feels impossible when all I hear is, “A, go clean this,” or “A, clean that,” as soon as I wake up.
I can’t remember the last time I felt like I had a conversation with my mom that wasn’t about cleaning or doing something for her. When I try to talk about my day or even something as simple as how my classes are going, she just shuts me down. “I’m tired,” she says, “I’ve been cleaning all day. You don’t do anything around here.” If I do anything wrong, she starts yelling at me, telling me that girls my age are already married and out of the house, while I’m still here, living with them like I’m stuck in a never-ending cycle of responsibility.
It’s exhausting. It’s like no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be enough. I’m not allowed to have my own life, to make mistakes or even just take a break. And if my dad doesn’t give her enough money for the bills, guess who ends up paying? Me. I’ve had to dig into whatever savings I’ve managed to scrape together just to keep the peace. I can’t even focus on my studies without feeling the weight of all the things I’m expected to do. I help her clean whenever she’s too tired, and when I complain, she tells me that I’m being punished by God for not doing better in school.
It’s so hard. I can’t keep up with everything. I try to be perfect, to balance college and family, but there’s no room left for me to be a daughter, to be someone other than just the “cleaning help” around the house. I wonder if I’ll ever be more than that to her. I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending I’m okay with it. I just want to be seen as me, not as a servant.
But it’s hard when I’m constantly reminded that the only value I have is in what I can do for others. It’s like I’m invisible. And no matter how much I try to make her proud, it’s never enough.
The weight of these expectations is starting to crush me, and I feel like I’m losing myself.
