Date: April 21, 2025
Author: Rowan Ellis

I truly believe that family should be a choice—not something you’re just stuck with because of biology. From the time we’re babies, we’re told to say “I love you” to people who may not even treat us well. It’s drilled in before we ever learn what love actually feels like.

For me, it’s never felt genuine. I haven’t said “I love you” to my family in years, and I don’t plan to start again. I know that sounds cold, but it’s my truth. The people I truly care about, the ones I choose to love, are my friends. They’ve seen sides of me my own family hasn’t even asked about.

It’s gotten to the point where hearing “I love you” from my family actually triggers me. It sends me into a spiral, sometimes causing me to relapse in ways I wish I didn’t. And the worst part? They don’t even know. Or maybe they don’t want to.

I’m not sharing this to be dramatic. Just to say: love isn’t automatic. It’s not owed. And for some of us, it’s not safe either.