Date: April 27, 2025
Author: Caleb Dawson

Because of her past experiences with cheating, she believes I deserve to pay for everything I’ve done. It feels like I have to suffer through all the consequences, no matter how hard I try to make things right.

Every move I make, she needs to know about it. My social media accounts? Deleted. Deactivated. It’s been a full year now — I don’t even touch them anymore. I can’t do the things I once enjoyed, the things that were part of me.

She still doesn’t know the full truth of what I did before — the things that led to all of this. I’ve been working so hard to make it up to her, but honestly? It’s draining. Every part of me is exhausted, and I feel like I’m drowning in my own mistakes.

I’m holding on to the hope that one day things will get better — that she’ll find it in herself to forgive me, that maybe we can heal. But right now, I’m struggling. The feelings for my ex are fading, but they’re not gone. And I don’t know if I should keep going like this, stuck in this cycle, or just let go and focus on my family, on myself.

I keep wondering if all of this is happening because of the sins I’ve made. What if I never cheated in the first place? What if I was still with my ex, if we could’ve been happy, if we could’ve built a life?

It’s all so overwhelming, and I don’t know how to move forward.