Author: Sierra Donovan
Date: April 27, 2025
Looking back, I realize I saw the red flags right from the beginning. They weren’t even subtle — they were loud, waving right in my face — but I ignored them because I was lonely, because I wanted it to work, because sometimes wanting love makes you blind.
First was the way he handled confrontation. Every little disagreement would turn into this huge explosion. He wasn’t just passionate, he was reactive. If I even hinted that something he did hurt me, he’d lash out, twist it around, make me the villain for bringing it up at all.
Then there was the way he talked about infidelity — not his own, at first, but through others. He would defend the cheating actions of his favorite movie characters, and even brush off a story about his cousin cheating, saying things like, “Well, people make mistakes” or “It’s not black and white.” It sat wrong with me. I should have listened to that gut feeling.
The double standards crept in slowly. He demanded that I block male friends who had been in my life for years, but he still chatted with old flings because “they’re just friends.” When I pointed out the hypocrisy, it would circle back to another fight where he’d make me feel crazy for even noticing.
Aggression wasn’t just about yelling — although there was plenty of that. It was in the way he spoke to me when he was angry: insulting, demeaning, belittling. It chipped away at my confidence like a silent, invisible hammer. I kept telling myself it wasn’t abuse because he never raised a hand against me. I didn’t realize that words can leave bruises too, just in places no one can see.
And then there was the pettiness, the passive aggression. If I made him mad, he’d ‘forget’ plans we made. He’d give me the silent treatment for days, leave little sarcastic comments that sounded like jokes but stung deeper than any obvious insult.
It took me a long time — too long — to understand that these weren’t just “flaws” or “quirks” to work through. They were warning signs. Proof that no matter how much love I poured in, it would never be enough to fix someone who wasn’t even trying to be better.
If you’re reading this and recognizing even one of these signs in someone you’re with… please don’t ignore them. I wish I hadn’t. You deserve peace. You deserve kindness. You deserve better.
