April 28, 2025
by Rowan Mercer

Lately, it feels like I’m just… here. Existing. Not really living.

Even when I’m around people, I feel completely alone. Like there’s this wall between me and everyone else that I don’t know how to tear down. I tried substances for a while, hoping they’d help me feel something different, but they just left me feeling even more hollow. No surprise there.

I’m unmedicated, and the worst part is I don’t even have the means to change that right now. Everything about getting help feels so far out of reach. And on top of all of it, I’m chronically ill. No treatment plans. No answers. Just endless symptoms and doctors who shrug.

I’m tired in a way that sleep doesn’t fix.

Every day is getting harder. Some days, just waking up feels like a loss instead of a win. And I hate that. I don’t want to feel like this, but here I am, dragging myself through another day because… what else can I do?

I wish I had something uplifting to end this with. I wish I could say I’m feeling hopeful or strong. But the truth is, right now, I’m just tired. And I’m still trying — barely — but I’m trying.