By Mia Montgomery

April 27, 2025

I don’t really know where to begin with this, but I feel like I need to get it out. My life has become this tangled mess of emotions, guilt, and confusion, and I just don’t know what to do with it anymore.

I’m married. I have a partner who I’ve been with for a while now, and on the surface, everything seemed fine. But for a long time, things haven’t been fulfilling for me. I haven’t been sexually active in a while, and honestly, when I try to talk about it with my husband, it’s like he doesn’t even care. He’s only interested in satisfying his own needs, not mine. And it’s left me feeling lonely, like I’m invisible, like my desires don’t even matter.

I was angry at myself for letting it happen, but I still feel it’s true. I cheated on my marriage with someone I met—someone who, in a lot of ways, makes me feel seen. He’s sweet, caring, and for the first time in a long time, I felt listened to. I wasn’t just a wife, I was a person again. I forced the situation, and looking back, I can’t even explain why. I don’t know what I was thinking. I knew it was wrong. I knew it was a betrayal, but somehow, I convinced myself that this was the only way I could feel something.

The thing is, I don’t regret meeting him. I don’t. He’s been a light in a dark period of my life, and I can’t ignore the joy he’s brought into it. He listens to me in ways I’ve never experienced. He shows me attention in ways that I’ve missed for so long. When I’m with him, I feel alive, but I also feel deeply guilty for what I’ve done.

I keep crying, mostly because I know this won’t end well. I know it can’t. I can’t continue betraying my partner, but I can’t ignore the happiness I’ve found with this guy, either. It’s a constant battle inside me. I’m torn between the life I thought I wanted, the one where I stayed faithful and stayed with my husband, and the life where I feel loved, wanted, and seen for who I really am.

I’ve started to get depressed, realizing how much my life has drifted from what I once hoped for. I never thought I’d get to this point. I always imagined I’d be someone who stayed true to my partner, someone who would never stray, but here I am, doing exactly that. The shame is overwhelming, and I feel like I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done. I’m caught in this cycle of regret and sadness, and it’s a heavy burden to carry.

So, how do I find peace? How do I find happiness without continuing down this path of betrayal? I want to make things right, but I also want to feel happy again. I want to feel like I’m not suffocating under the weight of guilt, and I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how to heal from this or if it’s even possible.

I wish I had the answers, but all I have right now are questions. What’s the right choice? How can I fix this mess I’ve made without losing myself in the process? I need to find a way to move forward, but the road feels so unclear.