Date: April 27, 2025
Author: Leah Simmons
It’s hard to put into words how I feel about everything that’s happened. I’ve been best friends with this girl for seven years. We’ve always been there for each other through thick and thin, and I honestly thought she was my soulmate. I mean, not in a romantic way—just that we were two pieces of a puzzle, perfectly fit. We always laughed, shared our secrets, and had each other’s backs. Nothing could have prepared me for the emptiness I felt when she moved away for university.
At first, I thought it would be okay. I assumed I’d just get used to it, and maybe I’d have a chance to start my own journey. I imagined I’d meet new people, make friends, maybe even date. But none of that happened. I tried to go out, I tried to meet people, but everything felt forced, like I was wearing someone else’s life. I barely left the house anymore because there was nowhere to go and no one to go with.
Meanwhile, she’s thriving. I see her posts all the time—pictures with her new friends, cute dates with the boys she meets, all these things I can’t even begin to relate to. I’ve never even been kissed. No one has ever shown any interest in me like that. I feel like I’ve been stuck in this place where I’m just waiting for something to happen, but it never does. It’s like she’s living this amazing, full life, while I’m just… here. Alone.
When she talks to me about her friends or the guy she’s dating at the time, it feels like a punch to the gut. I try to be happy for her, but inside, it’s like this constant knot in my stomach. And sometimes, when I’m really low, I catch myself wishing something bad would happen to her. I hate that I feel that way, but I can’t help it. Maybe if she lost her job or her relationship fell apart, I’d feel like things were a little more balanced between us. But I know it’s wrong. I feel like a terrible person for even thinking it.
I guess part of me feels left behind, like I’m stuck in the past while she’s moving forward and living her best life. And I know it’s not her fault. She’s not doing anything wrong, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. It’s just so hard to watch her thrive while I’m struggling to find a place where I belong. I just want to feel like I’m part of something, like I matter the way she does. But right now, it feels like I’m invisible.
