Date: April 20, 2025
Author: Lily Johnson

It’s been three years, and every time I think I’ve moved on, something pulls me back. His name is Ethan. He’s two years older than me, and I’ve never even spoken to him. We don’t even know each other. He’s just someone I see around. But somehow, despite not knowing a thing about him, I find myself drawn to him every single day.

I couldn’t even tell you exactly when it happened, or why. It’s not like I’ve had a chance to really get to know him—there’s no chance for us to be friends, let alone something more. I just remember one Tuesday afternoon, three years ago, I saw him walking past me, and from that moment on, my heart couldn’t seem to stop noticing him. I’d catch myself searching for him everywhere, even when I knew he probably wouldn’t be around.

It’s kind of ridiculous when I think about it. He’s just a boy I’ve never talked to, but somehow, he occupies so much space in my mind. Sometimes, I wonder why I even like him. It doesn’t make sense. We don’t have any common ground, no shared experiences. Yet, there’s this part of me that can’t seem to let go of the idea of him.

Is it bad? I don’t know. Part of me feels like it might be a little silly, especially since he has no idea I exist beyond being someone in the background of his life. I’ve never made a move, never tried to get closer. I guess I’ve never wanted to risk the awkwardness or rejection. It’s easier to keep my feelings in this safe space where no one else can see them, where no one can tell me they’re stupid.

But it’s been three years, and the feelings haven’t gone away. I don’t know how to stop them, or if I even want to. Sometimes I wonder if this is just a phase, something that’ll fade with time. But then, I catch a glimpse of him again, and it all comes rushing back.

Maybe it’s just a crush. Or maybe it’s something deeper, something I don’t fully understand yet. But right now, I’m just trying to navigate this quiet little obsession. And maybe that’s okay, too.