By: Lucas R. Hale
April 26, 2025
I feel like a jerk, but I’m not sure how else to describe it. I’ve always been the kind of person who gets along with everyone. You know the type – friendly, approachable, always willing to listen. I’m not shy; I can strike up a conversation with pretty much anyone and keep it going. But despite all that, I’ve always kept a small circle of people I actually connect with on a deeper level, people who I can rely on, people who understand me.
When I started university and moved into the dorms, I was ready for that typical “new life” feeling. I expected to meet a ton of people, make new friends, and experience all those classic college moments. And at first, it was great. I got to chat with a lot of people, from different backgrounds, with different interests. It felt like the start of something fresh.
But then there were these two girls. Let’s call them Claire and Megan. We didn’t exactly click at first, but we started seeing each other around a lot—late-night study sessions, grabbing coffee, casual chats in the common areas. It was harmless, at least at first. They were friendly enough, and it was easy to fall into that comfortable, dorm-room dynamic of running into people and just chatting. We’d talk about everything from classes to our favorite movies, and sometimes we’d share personal stuff, too. It felt like we were becoming friends, or at least, I thought we were.
But now? Now I’m starting to realize that every time I talk to them, it’s because they need something. And not in a fun, “Hey, can you lend me a pencil?” way. No, it’s more like they’re only reaching out when they want to vent or when something’s bothering them, and I’m just the convenient person to unload onto. The last few weeks, it’s been nothing but complaints, rants, and honestly, a lot of negativity. Every time I see them, it feels like they’re only interested in talking if they have something to complain about. And when I try to share something about my life or how my day went, it’s like they’re suddenly “too busy” to listen.
I get it—we all need someone to talk to, especially when things get tough. But it’s exhausting being the emotional sponge for people who only reach out when it’s on their terms. I’ve found myself walking away from these conversations feeling drained, like I’ve just given so much of myself without getting anything back. I’ve tried to suggest meeting up for something fun, like grabbing lunch or doing something that’s not about venting, but it never really works. They just go back to their usual routine of dumping all their stress onto me.
And honestly, I feel terrible for even thinking this way. I should be a good friend, right? I should be supportive, understanding, and listen when they need me. But I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like I’m just here for them to vent at when things aren’t going right in their lives. I’m tired of being someone’s emotional punching bag, especially when they don’t seem to care to return the favor or check in on me when I need someone to talk to.
It’s hard because I don’t want to be a jerk. I don’t want to cut them off or seem uncaring. I do like them, in some weird way. But I’m starting to realize that friendships should be a two-way street. It shouldn’t always feel like I’m the one giving, with nothing left for myself. I’m not sure how to handle this without making it awkward, but it’s become clear that something’s got to change. I need to set some boundaries, or else I’m going to burn out, and I don’t want to do that. I just wish it didn’t feel so complicated to figure out how to be a good friend without sacrificing my own well-being.
