April 23, 2025 By Emily A. Clarke

I’m 25, and I can’t picture myself growing old. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s not that I don’t hope for a future where I’m happy, healthy, and surrounded by loved ones. But every time I try to think about what’s ahead—living to 30, 40, or even just making it to next year—it’s like there’s a wall in my mind. I just can’t see it. I can’t envision a future for myself.

I’ve talked to my husband about it, and he’s always so optimistic, so hopeful. He imagines us growing old together, making plans for the future—our home, our family. He talks about how I’ll be an incredible mother, how we’ll have kids, and how we’ll look back on our life with so many happy memories. But when he says these things, I can’t picture it. It’s like I’m not in the picture at all. I don’t know how to explain it to him, because it’s not that I don’t want it—I just can’t see it for myself. I can’t see myself being there for those moments.

It’s not a feeling of wanting to end things, and it’s not a deep sadness either. It’s just this odd sense that I’m supposed to be a part of something short-lived. It’s a constant nagging feeling, like something’s blocking me from imagining a long life, from truly living it. No matter how hard I try to push this feeling away, it always comes back.

Sometimes, I wonder if it’s because I’ve spent so much of my life feeling like I’m just existing. I go through the motions, day after day, but it’s like I’m stuck in a loop where I’m constantly unable to connect to the future in a meaningful way. I don’t know where this feeling comes from or why it’s so hard to shake, but it’s weighing on me, and it’s getting harder to ignore.

I’m not suicidal, and I’m not actively depressed. I’m just… disconnected from the idea of a future. It’s like a fog that won’t lift. And as much as I try to picture myself doing the things I dream of—becoming a mother, seeing my husband smile at me as we grow old together—nothing sticks. It’s like my brain just won’t allow me to believe that I can be there for all those moments. I don’t know why.

I want to believe that there’s more for me. I want to wake up one day and feel hopeful, truly envisioning a future filled with love, growth, and adventure. But right now, I’m not sure how to make that happen. Every time I try, I feel like I’m hitting a wall. And I don’t know where to go from here. I just know I can’t keep feeling like this forever.

I guess I’m hoping that by sharing this, maybe someone else has felt the same way. Maybe this is just a phase, or maybe it’s something deeper that I need to work through. But right now, all I want is to feel like I belong in my own future.