By: Emma L. Howard
April 26, 2025
It’s funny how life has a way of bringing people back into your world when you least expect it. Today, I ran into a guy I once had a brief “thing” with back in high school. It’s been six years since that time, yet it felt like no time had passed at all. He still had that same charm, the one that I never quite knew how to handle when I was 16, insecure, and unsure of myself.
I’ve always been the type of person who kept things casual—never too attached. Back in high school, I found myself gravitating toward his friends, dating two of them over the course of a year, despite knowing full well that this guy liked me. I’m not proud of how that sounds, but there was something so comforting in knowing he was interested in me without having to give him the validation he probably deserved. There was this rush of power in knowing I had his attention, without even trying.
At the time, I didn’t want to be with him. I didn’t even like him in that way. But I loved the idea of being wanted, of being noticed in a way that made me feel important. I didn’t have the confidence back then to really explore what that meant, so I brushed it off as a harmless game. I still can’t quite explain it, but for me, he became a symbol of validation during a time when I struggled with my self-worth. It wasn’t about him; it was about how his attention made me feel.
Now, seeing him again, I can’t help but feel a strange mix of nostalgia and regret. There’s a part of me that wonders what would have happened if we’d actually given each other a chance. What if I’d been brave enough to see where things could’ve gone back then? Instead, I kept things surface-level, afraid of what it meant to truly open up to someone.
As he walked away today, I realized how much I’ve changed over the years, how much I’ve grown and become more comfortable with myself. But I also realized that, deep down, there’s a small part of me that’s still haunted by the “what-ifs.” Did I let something slip through my fingers because I was too afraid to take a chance? Or was I right to keep things at arm’s length, to hold onto that ego boost without letting it go too far?
It’s funny how life works. I haven’t thought about him in years, but today, I couldn’t stop myself from wondering whether he ever thought about me the way I thought about him. Maybe, like me, he still remembers that brief time when we had each other’s attention, when I made him feel special just as much as he made me feel important.
The truth is, I’ll never know what could have been. And honestly? That’s okay. There are certain moments in life that are meant to be left in the past, unexamined and undisturbed. But I can’t help but feel a little bit of that old spark still smoldering deep inside me.
