April 24, 2025
By Mia Thompson

I didn’t mean to start keeping track.
It started with one little thing, one moment when something he did bothered me, and I just wrote it down to get it out of my head. But then it became a habit. Every time something upset me, I wrote it down.

Now, a week later, I have a list of 48 instances. Forty-eight. And as I read through it, I realize how much of it has to do with something I never thought would become an issue.

Half of the list is about his obsession with the woman who rejected him online before we even met. It’s always there, lingering. Every time we’re together, I see him scrolling through her Facebook page again, looking at her photos, sometimes even liking them, even though they haven’t spoken in years. I don’t understand it. And I don’t understand why it keeps bothering me.

I know we all have our pasts, and I know he’s allowed to have feelings for people from before me. But this isn’t just about feelings. It’s like he can’t let her go, even though we’re together now. It makes me feel… less important. Like I’m just someone filling a space until she comes around or something.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle. I don’t know if this obsession will ever go away, or if I’m just imagining it. Either way, I can’t keep pretending it doesn’t hurt.

But the worst part? I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. Maybe I’m overthinking. Maybe it’s nothing at all. Or maybe this is just the start of something bigger that I don’t want to face.

I just want to feel like I’m enough. But sometimes, it feels like I’m fighting for his attention when he’s still hung up on someone who doesn’t even want him. I don’t know what to do with all these feelings, or how to even talk about them without sounding crazy.