Date: April 22, 2025
Author: Sarah P. Johnson
I still remember it vividly, even though I was only four. I was on the playground during recess, running around like all the other kids, climbing things and having a blast. There was this playground spinner, the kind where you could climb up the bars and spin around with your friends. It looked like so much fun. I wanted to be up there, so I scrambled to the top.
But then, this girl from my class came over, and she tried to climb up, too. I don’t remember what went through my mind exactly, but for some reason, something in me didn’t want her up there. Maybe it was the thought of having the whole spinner to myself. Maybe it was the fact that I didn’t like the idea of her being in the same space as me. But I didn’t think about it too much. I just acted.
As she was almost there, I leaned forward. I pushed my stomach into her, and before she knew it, she was tumbling backward off the spinner, landing hard on the wood chips below. She cried out. I remember hearing her sobs, but I didn’t feel guilty. I didn’t feel anything really. I was just… there. I was watching her from the top of the spinner, still holding onto the bars, feeling neutral, maybe even a little satisfied. It wasn’t that I was happy she was hurt; I just wasn’t bothered.
I didn’t apologize. I didn’t think I needed to. My thoughts were more like, “Well, that happened,” and I kept on playing like it was just another part of the day. The teacher came over, but by that point, I had already moved on. To me, it was just a thing that happened on the playground, like the hundreds of other moments that pass by in childhood.
It wasn’t until later that I even remembered what I had done. As I got older, I thought about it again — how that girl had fallen so hard, how she must have been in pain, and how I didn’t care. But at that age, I just didn’t understand. I didn’t grasp the impact of my actions.
Now, as an adult, I sometimes wonder what happened to her. Did she ever remember the incident? Did it stick with her the way it stuck with me, even though I was so young? I’ll never know. But I do know that it was one of the first moments I ever had the chance to think about what it meant to hurt someone — even unintentionally.
