Date: April 28, 2025
Author: Logan A. Turner
I don’t know why I’m even writing this down. Maybe it’s because I feel like I’m going to burst if I don’t get it out somehow. It’s been eating at me for months, and I feel like such a coward for not saying anything. There’s this girl—she’s so kind, so beautiful, so perfect in ways I can’t even describe. Every time I talk to her, I get this feeling in my chest like I’m suffocating, but in a good way? It’s like I can’t stop thinking about her, even when I’m not around her. She’s just… everything I could ever want, but I don’t know how to tell her.
The thing is, I’m terrified. Terrified that if I tell her how I feel, it’ll make everything awkward, and she won’t talk to me anymore. That idea alone makes me want to crawl into a hole and disappear. But keeping this secret, pretending like everything’s fine when inside I’m spiraling, it’s becoming unbearable. I can’t help it. Every night when I go to bed, my thoughts are consumed by her. I think about what it would be like to hold her hand, to be with her. And the worst part? It makes me feel like I’m going nuts. My stomach twists in knots, and I feel lightheaded just imagining how I’d feel if I confessed and she rejected me. But at the same time, I know I need to do it. I have to.
I’m planning on telling her soon, in the next few days. I keep telling myself it’ll be better than living in this constant state of wondering. What if she says yes? What if she feels the same way? I can’t even imagine how good that would feel, to know that I actually stand a chance with her.
But then, the other side of me thinks about what if she says no? What if I’ve ruined everything and lost someone who means so much to me, even just as a friend? I know I’ll be heartbroken if that happens, but at least I’ll have my answer. I’ll know for sure whether she’s the one for me or not, and I’ll be able to move on.
It’s crazy how much power one person can hold over you, how much I care about her, even though she doesn’t know. I’m just… scared. Scared of what could happen, but more scared of not knowing.
I’m going to take the risk. I have to. I can’t keep living like this. If she says yes, then maybe I’ll have won in life. If not, at least I’ll have peace of mind. And maybe, just maybe, that’s all I need right now.
