April 22, 2025

By: Ella John

Okay, I have a confession to make. I’ve been lying to everyone, and I’ve been doing it for way longer than I ever imagined I would. Here’s the thing: I faked liking sparkling water for THREE YEARS, and now I’m in way too deep to back out.

Let me set the scene. I was 27, entering that “I’m an adult now, I have to have my life together” phase. You know, the one where you suddenly start meal prepping, collecting house plants (that you inevitably forget to water), and swapping your sugary sodas for something more “mature”—like sparkling water. I had seen it everywhere, especially on Instagram, and I thought, “This is it. This is how I become a cool, healthy, ‘put-together’ person.” So, naturally, I went for LaCroix. I grabbed a 12-pack, feeling very self-assured about my adult choices.

The first sip was… well, it was horrifying. It tasted like someone had whispered the word “fruit” into a cup of TV static and called it a drink. I gagged a little but didn’t want to admit it. So, I did what any 27-year-old would do in the age of social media—I posted it on my Instagram story with the caption: “New addiction lol.” The likes rolled in, my followers thought I was cool, and in that moment, I was convinced I could power through this for the sake of appearances.

The problem? I couldn’t stand the stuff. Every time I’d open a can, I’d mentally prepare myself for the weirdly fizzy, vaguely fruity mess that awaited me. But by this point, I had committed. I’d talked it up to friends, posted about it on social media, and even had a couple of people over who casually asked if I wanted a sparkling water. I couldn’t back out.

And that’s how it started. I began drinking sparkling water—mostly out of guilt for pretending to like it—because, well, I had to. I couldn’t stop pretending to be the healthy, cool person I wasn’t. Eventually, I started accumulating a decent collection of these overpriced cans in my fridge, all with varying levels of bitterness in every sip.

Now, here I am at 30, still pretending to like sparkling water. I even tried a few other brands, convinced that maybe I’d find “the one.” Spoiler alert: I haven’t. It’s all terrible, but I just keep going. My friends still think I’m super into it, and I’m trapped in my own lie. If I tell them the truth now, it’ll be like revealing that I’ve been pretending to enjoy something I really can’t stand for three years. Can you imagine?

So, yeah, I’m stuck. Sparkling water is my cross to bear. And no one, not even my closest friends, will ever know how much I absolutely hate it. At this point, I’m committed to the bit, just trying to make sure no one notices I’m still holding onto that LaCroix can like it’s some badge of honor.