I don’t know how it got this way, how everything in my life seems to revolve around her beliefs while I’m stuck just trying to keep my head above water. She’s a Sunday school teacher—her life revolves around church, around helping others, doing what she believes is the right thing. And then there’s me. I don’t believe in any of that. I’ve tried to keep quiet about it, tried to respect her beliefs, but it’s gotten to the point where every disagreement between us feels like I’m walking on eggshells.

It’s almost like I’ve become the villain in our relationship. Every argument we have, every moment where I defend myself, it’s somehow twisted into me being the bad guy. She’ll say things like “It used to be 50/50, maybe 60/40, but now it’s 100% your fault.” And the worst part? I start believing it. I start thinking that maybe, just maybe, she’s right. That maybe everything really is my fault. But I can’t keep living like this.

It doesn’t help that she doesn’t work. Every day, she’s running around, doing this for other people, doing that for the church, because that’s what she believes is the “good Christian” thing to do. Meanwhile, I’m the one working every day, keeping things afloat, and somehow it still doesn’t feel like enough. I feel like I’m caught in a cycle of her doing everything for everyone else and me getting left behind, feeling more and more invisible.

And then today, it happened again. We were out of eggs, and she needed me to run across town to get some to make cornbread for the church chili thing. She had no intention of doing it herself, but somehow, it became my responsibility. So I got in the truck, ran the errands, all the while trying to keep my frustration in check. She wanted to do everything else, so I worked with her to get the door, run the dogs out of the truck, and get everything loaded.

I don’t want to sound bitter, but there’s something about it that just feels wrong. I’m always the one running around, always the one taking care of everything, while she gets to focus on helping others. It’s like she’s the hero in everyone else’s life, and I’m just a background character. And I’ve started to wonder… does she even see me? Or am I just the person who gets the groceries when things go wrong?

I don’t want to be that person—the one who resents her for being who she is. But it’s hard to keep pretending like everything’s okay when it feels like I’m the one losing myself in all of this. I wish there was a way to talk about it, to tell her how I feel without it turning into another argument where, somehow, everything’s my fault. But I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t even know if I want to fix it anymore. I just want to be seen, to feel like I matter too, not just in her life, but in my own.