Date: April 28, 2025
Author: Ryan M. Andrews
I’ve been holding onto this for so long, but I just need to say it out loud. Or, I guess, type it out. I’ve known I was gay for as long as I can remember. It was something I was always afraid to admit, but over time, it became impossible to ignore. Eventually, I found someone. He wasn’t perfect, but he made me feel things I had never felt before. We started dating, and for a while, it was everything I wanted.
There was just one big problem—he was very religious, and for him, being in a relationship with another guy wasn’t just a personal choice, it was against everything he had been taught. He told me he couldn’t really date other boys, even though, to be honest, it seemed like we were already doing that. But we kept it hidden, and it was like this secret world we shared that made everything feel more intense.
But then, something happened that I still don’t fully understand. One day, he said he had to block me. He didn’t really explain why, just that it was something he had to do. He promised me that he would unblock me soon, that it wouldn’t be forever. But that was two weeks ago, and I’m still waiting.
I loved him. I really did. But the waiting is what’s killing me now. I don’t know if I’m being foolish by holding onto the hope that things will go back to how they were. I keep asking myself if it was just me, if I did something wrong or if I’m just not important enough to him to make that effort.
It’s not just the fact that he blocked me that hurts—it’s the uncertainty. I don’t know where we stand anymore, and I don’t know if he’s ever going to reach out again. Maybe he was just trying to protect me from something, or maybe he was trying to protect himself. Either way, it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I just wish I knew if he was ever going to come back. It’s been two weeks, and all I can do is think about him. Every day feels like it drags on longer than the last, and I’m left wondering if it was even real. If he loved me like I loved him, wouldn’t he have tried to come back by now?
But all I can do is wait.
