Date: April 28, 2025
Author: Aiden L. Foster
I don’t think anyone really understands what it’s like to be me. To have this weight on your shoulders that no one sees, but it’s so heavy you can’t move. People say, “Just sit and do the work,” but it’s not that simple. It never has been. I wish it were.
School is online now, which, yeah, some people might think is a blessing. I used to think that too—no need to wake up early, no crowded hallways, no constant pressure to fit in. But honestly, it feels just as bad as real school, if not worse. Maybe even more suffocating. It’s like I’m trapped in my own head, and I can’t escape. My mind just won’t cooperate.
I’ve always struggled in school. It’s like there’s this mental block that I can’t break through. I know what I’m supposed to do, I know what I should be doing, but when I sit down to do it, it’s like my body won’t listen. I try. I really do. But somehow, I still end up with straight F’s, and I don’t know why. It’s not that I don’t care. I do care. I care so much, but it feels like I’m running in place, just sinking deeper and deeper every time I try to climb out.
And the worst part? The adults in my life just don’t get it. They see the grades and they think it’s a simple fix. “Just focus more,” they tell me. “Why can’t you just do the work like everyone else?” They don’t understand how it feels when the world is telling you to do something, and your body just refuses to comply. When they push me to explain why I am the way I am, I can’t even find the words. It’s like I’m trapped in a feeling I can’t describe, a frustration that I can’t communicate.
Every day, I hear the same thing: “You’re so capable, you can do this, you just need to try harder.” And maybe they’re right. Maybe if I tried harder, I’d be able to pull it off. But every time I try to push through, it feels like I hit a wall. And the harder I push, the more exhausted I get. I can’t focus, I can’t seem to care enough, and no matter what I do, it feels like failure is waiting for me around every corner.
I know I’m not the only one like this. There are so many kids out there who feel the same way I do—like we’re just broken, like we can’t do it, no matter how hard we try. We’re labeled as lazy, as unmotivated, but really, we’re just struggling to keep our heads above water. It’s like we’re constantly fighting against something invisible, something that no one can see or understand, and that makes it feel even worse.
I just want to feel like I’m not alone in this, like I’m not the only one who can’t meet these expectations. It’s exhausting to constantly feel like I’m disappointing everyone. It’s exhausting to try to explain how I feel and have no one really understand. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to make it stop. I just wish the pressure would let up, even for a little while, so I can breathe.
But until then, I’ll keep trying, even if it feels like I’m getting nowhere. Because I don’t know what else to do.
