April 25, 2025
by Ethan Jacob Ward

I tried. I really did. But deep down, I know I didn’t. I’m a failure, and I can’t escape it. I look at others — the ones who seem to have it all together, who are doing what I always thought I could do — and all I feel is envy. It’s unbearable. This envy is slowly suffocating me, and I feel nothing but emptiness.

I used to think I had potential. I used to think I could be something. But now, I just feel like I’ve wasted it all. I could’ve been more, but I let myself slip, and now I’m just… nothing. I want to turn back time, go back to when I still had hope. But I can’t. I feel like I’m invisible, like I’m a shadow of the person I could’ve been, hiding from the reality I’ve built for myself.

It’s pathetic, really. The truth is, I can’t even face the things I’m bad at. I can’t stand my own inadequacies. They’re suffocating me. And no matter how many people tell me they believe in me, I know it’s just an illusion. They’re all deceived. They don’t know the truth: I’m a fraud, pretending to be someone I’m not.

I don’t want to be seen. I just want to hide, to disappear. It feels impossible to keep going, to keep pretending I’m something I’m not. I think I just need a way out, a way to start over. But even that seems impossible.

I don’t feel worthy of anything anymore. And that’s the hardest part. The feeling of being worthless, knowing I can’t seem to find myself again, knowing I’ll never be enough.