Author: Claire Johnson

Date: April 27, 2025

Sometimes, I find myself regretting being in this relationship, and I hate that feeling. It feels unfair to both my partner and myself. The truth is, it’s not that I don’t love them—I love them more than anything. It’s just that I’ve been carrying around this huge weight of guilt and confusion for so long, and it doesn’t seem to get any lighter. I’ve spent most of my life feeling lost, uncertain about who I really was, until one day, it all clicked—I’m gay. I finally figured it out. But by the time I came to terms with my own truth, I had already been in a relationship for years, and it felt like too much to unravel.

The hardest part is that I kept hiding it. I kept the truth about myself locked away, living in this space where I couldn’t be fully authentic. I think that’s where the regret stems from. If I had been open about who I really was from the start, maybe things would’ve been different. But I didn’t, and now there’s this sense of guilt that I can’t shake off. When I finally came out, it wasn’t a clean, easy process. There were arguments, hurt feelings, and so many things left unsaid. It feels like I hurt my partner deeply, even though I didn’t mean to.

Some days, I can’t help but wish that all of this would just go away—that the guilt, the confusion, and the pain would stop weighing on me. I know my partner loves me, and I love them too, but this constant internal battle I face makes everything feel so much harder. I hate that I’ve hurt them in the process of trying to figure out who I am. The frustration of feeling stuck between the love I have for my partner and the regret I feel about how everything unfolded is overwhelming at times.

I just want to feel at peace with myself, but I don’t know how to get there. Some days, it feels like the weight of it all might crush me. I’m trying to move forward, but the past keeps pulling me back.