Author: Ethan Brooks
Date: April 27, 2025
It’s been four years since I cut contact with someone who, for lack of a better term, was a walking embodiment of schadenfreude. He thrived on other people’s discomfort, constantly mocking them, taking pleasure in their misfortune. I remember the way he would tear into people for the smallest things, making fun of anyone who expressed emotion or vulnerability. He’d call them “edge lords,” but honestly, he was the worst one of all. No topic was too sensitive for him. There were no personal boundaries; everything was a target.
For two years, I put up with it, mostly because I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I didn’t want to be the one to leave the group or make waves. But the more I tolerated it, the more it wore me down. Every insult, every joke at my expense, every time I was made to feel less than, chipped away at me. I began to believe his words, questioning my worth, wondering if I was as useless as he said I was. I couldn’t take it anymore, and one night, when it all became too much, I found myself standing on the edge, thinking about ending it.
That was the turning point. I realized that if I didn’t get away from him, from his toxic presence, I wouldn’t survive. So I cut contact, stopped responding to him, and slowly, over time, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I started to heal. I started to feel like myself again. For the first time in a long while, I was genuinely happier.
But there’s a catch. He’s still part of my friend group, and I can’t escape him entirely. It’s awkward, to say the least. I resent him so much, and yet, I have to smile and pretend like everything’s fine when I’m in the same room as him. He’s never apologized, never acknowledged the hurt he caused. I often find myself wondering if he even realizes what he did to me, or if he’s just so wrapped up in his own self-righteousness that he can’t see how toxic he is.
I should move on, forget about him. But the anger lingers. I want to let go of this resentment, to not let him have this hold over me anymore. But it’s hard. Part of me still feels like I’m waiting for an apology that will never come. And even though I know he doesn’t deserve space in my life, it’s hard to shake the lingering feeling of injustice.
But I also know I’ve come so far since then. I’m no longer that person who let him tear me down. I’ve found better friends, people who respect me, who make me feel safe. And I will keep moving forward. I just wish it was easier to forget the damage he caused and let go of the anger. Maybe, someday, I will. But for now, I’m just focused on continuing to heal.
