Author: Jane Foster Date: April 27, 2025

Lately, I’ve been struggling with feelings I can’t quite shake off. It’s like I’m stuck in this loop of jealousy and envy, and I hate it. I don’t know why, but I’ve been feeling this way about my friends, especially one in particular. Let me explain.

We’ve been a close-knit group for years. We know each other’s quirks, dreams, and even those little embarrassing moments that most people would rather forget. But recently, something shifted. Every time I see my friends chatting with someone new, I feel a pit in my stomach. And it’s not just casual chatting. It’s like they’re forming these new bonds without me even having a say in it.

Today, for example, I was standing outside school, waiting for my friends. I didn’t mind the wait, but it felt like forever. I just wanted to hang out, talk about the day, maybe laugh about something silly that happened in class. But when they finally came out, they were talking to this new person. The person wasn’t even part of our usual group, and I felt like I was invisible. They barely looked at me, and without even saying much, they just went off with this new person, leaving me standing there in the cold. I didn’t even know what to do with myself.

I wanted to say something, but I didn’t. Instead, I just let the anger bubble up inside me. I mean, what was I, a ghost to them? We’ve been through so much together, and now it felt like they could easily replace me with someone new. I don’t get it. Why does it feel like I’m always left out?

It’s not like they don’t care about me. I know they do. In fact, one of them, I really care about. I mean, I love her. But sometimes, I wonder if my feelings are more than just friendship. It could be the root of this jealousy, the underlying worry that maybe I’m not as important to them as I thought.

It’s a messy feeling, this jealousy. It’s like a weight on my chest that I can’t just ignore. And the worst part? I’m not sure how to fix it. I don’t want to sound needy or desperate, but sometimes, when they get closer to someone else, it makes me feel like I’m not enough. Like no matter how hard I try, I can’t compete for their attention.

Maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe I’m just being insecure. But it’s hard to ignore when every day feels like a reminder that my friends can so easily connect with someone else, while I’m stuck here hoping for a little bit of attention. It’s hard not to feel like I’m losing them, even though I know deep down that’s not true. I guess I just need to figure out how to navigate this strange space between loving someone and feeling left out.

So yeah, I’m writing this to try to make sense of it all. Maybe by saying it out loud, even to no one in particular, it’ll start to feel a little less heavy. I don’t know. But for now, it’s the only thing that’s making sense.

— Jane Foster