Date: April 27, 2025

Author: Layla M. Hassan

I don’t know if I should even be saying this, but I’ve been struggling with so many feelings lately. Part of me feels guilty, like God will be mad at me for feeling the way I do about my parents, but I can’t help it. They’ve done a lot for me, and I love them, but at the same time, they’re so controlling. I’m 18, but I don’t feel like I have any real freedom. I was forced to wear the abaya, or I wouldn’t even be able to attend college. I feel suffocated, like I don’t have control over my own life.

And it’s not just the clothes or the rules—there’s so much more. My younger brothers can do things I’m not allowed to, like hanging out with their friends in the city, while I’m stuck at home. I can’t even buy anything with my own money without feeling like I’m being watched or questioned. And moving out? That’s completely off the table, no matter how old I am.

I can’t help but feel like a loser sometimes. I see other teens my age with so much freedom, hanging out with their friends, doing things they love, while I’m stuck at home feeling like I’m walking on eggshells. It’s like no matter what I do, it’s never enough to make things better between my mom and me. I do everything for her, and yet, she still gets mad at me. It’s hard to not feel like I’m failing, like I’m not living my life the way I’m supposed to.

To make things worse, I have no close friends, and I don’t have sisters to talk to. I’m just so lonely. I’ve tried making friends, but it’s like I’m never getting the same energy back. I recently had a best friend who left me, and I don’t know why. Now I feel even more isolated, like I have no one to confide in.

All I want is love. I just want to connect with someone, talk for hours without feeling judged or like I’m being controlled. I just don’t know what to do anymore. It feels like I’m stuck, and no matter how much I try to change my situation, nothing gets better. I don’t know if I can take much more of this.