Date: April 29, 2025

Author: Jesse Carter

I don’t know how to explain it, but there’s this part of me that just wants to hide forever. To lock myself in my room, never face another human, and let everything just fade away. The idea of never leaving my house again sounds like some kind of twisted freedom, because, honestly, I can’t shake this feeling that I’m just a burden to everyone around me.

I can’t even begin to tell you how deeply ashamed I feel, like I’m a failure in every possible way. I’m not even talking about not succeeding at things; it’s worse than that. I’m bad at everything. I mess up things that are supposed to be simple, things that should come naturally. Work? I screw it up. Relationships? A disaster. Hobbies? I can’t even enjoy them anymore because I know I’ll just ruin them too. Every single thing I try to put my energy into just gets worse, and it’s like I’m cursed with this ability to screw things up beyond recognition.

The worst part is I know people are tired of me. They’ve probably been tired of me for a long time, but I don’t blame them. Who wouldn’t be? I’m so tired of failing, of constantly letting people down, of being nothing more than an obstacle in their lives. It feels like no matter how hard I try, it’s just not enough. I’m never going to be the person I want to be. I’m never going to be good enough.

There are things I still enjoy, like food, my hobbies—sometimes—and my cat, who’s the only living thing that still seems to care. But even those things don’t feel as fulfilling as they should. I’m scared of dying, sure. But I’m more scared of the way I’m living. It’s like I’m stuck in a loop of disappointment, unable to break free from it. I don’t know how to stop feeling this way, how to start over, or if I even can.

I just feel like I’m taking up space I don’t deserve.