April 23, 2025
By: Casey Price

I’m starting to hate my older sister. I don’t want to feel this way, but I can’t help it. She’s become someone I don’t even recognize anymore, and it’s like a slap in the face every time I look at her.

It’s not just her. It’s the way she’s slowly turned into a reflection of our mother—someone I’ve spent my entire life trying to escape. But no matter how much she hates our mother’s behavior, it seems like she’s inherited all the worst parts.

She’s so damn manipulative. So damn controlling. It’s like she knows how to press every button, every damn one of them, and I’ve become numb to it. We’ll argue over the smallest things, and I’ll feel like I’m losing myself in her words, in her actions. She has this way of twisting everything, making me feel like I’m the one who’s crazy, that I’m the one who’s wrong for wanting to just… be.

It’s exhausting.

And the worst part? I see it in myself sometimes. It’s like I’m becoming a mirror of both of them. I hate that. I can’t stand the thought of becoming like either one of them. But some days, I catch myself doing the same things, using the same words, the same tone. It makes me sick.

I can’t even talk to her anymore. Every conversation feels like a fight waiting to happen, and I’m just tired. I’m so tired of it.

I dream about leaving. I think about it every day—what it would be like to be free, to have my own space where I don’t have to walk on eggshells around two people who don’t get it. Maybe it’s my fault for staying this long, but I’m hoping I can save enough to get out of here. Just enough to be away from this… this madness.

I wish I could just close my eyes and wake up in a different life. But for now, I have to keep pretending like I’m okay, even when everything around me feels like it’s breaking. I just need to get out. I just need enough.